No energy

Haven't been blogging lately. Too tied up and not much energy to reflect or write. Used to blog a lot more, but that was when I had little challenge at work and blogging was a hobby. Time there still is, but the energy has all been sapped up by my work and wedding preps.

When my mind was on blogging, I would tend to think in terms of what I can blog about. Things that happened will be reviewed in terms of how I can blog about it, how I would phrase it. Now that every hour of the working day is spent on following up, chasing people, servicing requests, tracking progress, checking to see if things can be done in parallel, I can hardly spare the brain juice to think of reviewing my everyday life.

I have collected the keys to my apartment, shortlisted the contractor, the design is almost finalised, the list of helpers starting to be drawn up, the indoor photoshoot over and the outdoor shoot rescheduled because of the rain, 2 of the 4 pieces of jewellery have been bought, and I did not record down any of it.

Perhaps I should have just spent 10 minutes a day writing down whatever I could, just so that it would be recorded somewhere and not forgotten. But that would not be very meaningful without some reflection, and is without joy, end up as another thing to followup on instead of something I enjoy doing. Meaningless. There are enough things to do as it is.

Sometimes I envy the bloggers who manage to take time out to blog properly despite their tight schedules. Though they do not get enough sleep, they will still squeeze in the time to write a short entry that is at least coherent and properly worded. Perhaps words come easier for them, or they are just more disciplined. Then there are those who have amazing amounts of time to do what they like to do. Lucky bastards. Or did they just choose the right jobs?

ICQ5 allows you to create your own status and messages. I have created a status that says, "At work: paying off my housing loan" and 2 colleagues have found it terribly amusing. I am going to be 29, and I will be bound for the next 30 years. And I will have perhaps 15 years after that to retire, more likely find some other job that I will enjoy doing. Perhaps I will finally get to write the whole day. If my CPF can stretch that far, or if I discover a talent for writing that people will pay for.

A person must have something to look forward to, whether or not it is realistic. Just don't dash your last hope. For now, it is to look forward to the day when I can move into my own apartment. I'll worry about my career prospects half a year later.