Changing a leopard's spots

... might be impossible, or maybe it just need more work.

Changing my blogging identity and making some effort to change my style is not just not enough, I am still not that different from who I was a year ago. Less angry, but still cynical and jaded. I cannot believe how much tension and pressure can be released through a simple 4km run after work, and the feel-good lasted 24 hours and made my next working day easier to live with. I can change the way I write, my outlook in life and my viewpoints, but the things that push my buttons remain the same. I am still who I am.

Having pioneered the use of blogs in my department as a communication tool for the project team, I was tasked to set up a wiki for knowledge sharing. I had previously set up 2 proof-of-concept wikis to demonstrate the benefits of wikis, but I had not bothered to really put in the content and made my pitch to the department. And so I lost to someone who was better versed in claiming credit, whether due or undue. By transferring my proof-of-concept into a linux server, he got a more reliable environment and sold the idea as his own. By setting up a new server, he could sideline the old and pretend it never existed and so made no mention of what has been done before this. Give credit where due, give respect where due, damnit!

There are many kinds of people in the world. There are techies who will give due credit when building upon other people's achievements. Then there are the management type who will build on it as though it was entirely their idea in the first place. The evil M$ type who buys over and absorbs within themselves with no trail of their history left behind. I hate playing these games. The only way to stay on top in the pecking order is to stay constantly vigilant and guard against bloodsuckers.

That time when boss was asking about the wiki, I had ignored the bloodsucker's request for help and presented my achievements directly to the boss. I could see the bloodsucker's disappointment and perhaps some fear of losing this chance to promote himself. And I can see his unease when he hears me telling people that I was the one who pioneered and set up the first blog and wiki, that I explained the concept and benefits, that the bloodsucker only moved it into a new server. He knows that his achievements pale beside mine, and he is not comfortable to be found out. I mean, if he has nothing to hide, would he fear being found out?

Such tactics can be used, but what for? If I'm still asking questions like this after a period of 5 years in this company, perhaps it is time to move on to a place I am more suited to, where I don't have to ask such questions. A place more worth striving for. Or perhaps I'm not using such tactics because I am not an imbecile with the pressure of a house, baby and a car to feed, so I don't find it worth resorting to such underhanded measures to stay on top.

Are they worth changing my spots for?